The Words
by ilovenascar
Summary: Short little ficlet after 'Way To Go'. SofiaBrass, inferred GSR


Fic Title: The Words

Author: I Love NASCAR

Fandom: CSI (Sofia/Brass)

Date: September 18 2008

Feedback: PLEASE

Rating: G

Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply. None of the characters are mine. If they were, Sofia would still be on the show & GSR would not be on the way out.

Summary: After Way To Go, Grissom, Sofia, and Brass all struggle to find the right words.

* * *

Gil Grissom squeezed Sara Sidle's hand and slightly, trying to make as little disturbance as he possibly could, crept from his team's side, watching them as they went into his friend's hospital room. He could finally breathe a sigh of relief that they hadn't lost Jim, but he was also uncomfortable at being the one who had to make the decision. To him, it was almost like butting in where he didn't belong. He wasn't sure how he would feel if the situations were reversed, but he knew one thing: if he'd been shot, nearly died, he'd want Sara with him. Then again, he always did.

He moved out towards the parking lot, seeing the blonde alone on the bench, her shoulders stooped, obviously crying. He'd been friends with Brass since the moment they'd met, friends with Sofia from the moment she'd backed him up with Ecklie, at the risk of her own career, and yet this was foreign to him. He thought maybe he should have gotten Catherine, told her what was going on. He felt confidence that she'd know what to do, she always did, but he thought that maybe the reason nothing had ever been said aloud was the fact that they needed to keep it a secret, like he and Sara did. He knew they had even tighter rules about fraternization in the police department, although he also knew that the rules were broken more times than the Ten Commandments. He hesitated again, wondering if he was the right person for the job, but thought of Jim in the hospital bed, Sofia trying to talk to him about Ellie and him brushing it off. He hadn't wanted to listen…until now.

He sat beside her, wishing he had a handkerchief. He thought that was what men always offered women in positions like these, handkerchiefs, but he was lucky if he remembered his car keys and cell phone when he left the apartment, probably wouldn't if Sara wasn't always one step behind him, making sure everything got done. He studied Sofia and realized, for the first time, that she was about the same age as Sara, maybe a little older. He knew that Jim was two or three years older than he was, although both men would never confess to having birthdays any longer. He would like to think that, if the situations were reversed, someone would be there, even just to sit and talk, with Sara, that is, if she'd let them.

"Ellie went back to L.A," Grissom said, knowing she knew, sounding, to his ears, like a fool.

Sofia nodded. "Jim will be sorry. He doesn't get to see her very often." She was torn, partly by her distrust, dislike for the girl who saw the man she loved so deeply, the man they'd almost lost, as nothing more than a means to an end. She knew Jim loved his daughter; she also knew that Ellie rarely did anything but disappoint him time and time again.

"Sofia." She looked up at him and he had further confirmation that she'd been crying. He searched his brain and doubted if he'd ever seen her cry before. "He's awake."

Her eyes opened wide, showing amazement, disbelief. She shook her head. "I saw him, Grissom. I saw him crash." She bit her lower lip, her blue eyes wanting so badly to believe him.

"I know." He paused. "I can't explain it," For once, he didn't care that something was beyond his explanation, "but he's awake." She looked at him, wanting, needing, to believe him. "Ellie saw him, for one second, before she left. And the team, Doc Robbins…they're with him now."

"He's awake?" She had learned the hard way why Jim had wanted Grissom to make these decisions, at this time. On the job, she made life or death decisions every day, rarely second guessing, but the past few days, she had been through living hell. If she had made a wrong decision, she would have never forgiven herself. Having Grissom there made all the difference and, for that, she was grateful.

He nodded, offering his hand to help her up. "He's awake."

Wiping her eyes, she walked inside with him, his hand on her shoulder for support. She stood there for a moment, with the team she'd once been apart of. Nick Stokes looked around for her and smiled, letting her stand with them, trying to support a friend, knowing nothing more than the fact that Jim and Sofia were partners and she'd been visibly upset. Her eyes connected with Jim's, through the window, for the first time since he'd been shot and he smiled.

Things eventually died down; the team made new plans. Catherine went off to talk to Lindsey, Gil and Sara left together discreetly, Robbins went back to his home, and the boys went to get some breakfast. Sofia finally went inside, biting her lower lip again, a sure sign she was nervous. Brass held out his hand to her and she took it, sitting in the chair by his side. "Hey."

"Hey." He let go of her hand briefly to tuck some of the soft blonde hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek in the process, and then moved his hand back to hers again. "How you doin', kid?" He asked in his best 'tough guy' voice.

"I'm not a kid," she gave her standard answer softer than she usually did, her eyes never leaving his.

"No. You're not." He studied her serious expression, her eyes mixed with joy that he would be all right and fear that she would lose him again. "Are you going to be okay?"

She nodded, giving him the hint of a smile. "We both are."

Silence filled the room. "Some family I've got," he said proudly, meaning the bunch that had just left and her.

She nodded. "Grissom's been in and out, so has Catherine. Warrick talked to Ellie some."

He realized what she wasn't saying spoke volumes. He still didn't think she was all right; she had the anguished, terrified look she had after the Bell shooting. "Hey." Her eyes connected with his again. "I'm not going anywhere…any time soon."

"Yeah, but I should." She couldn't have gotten up, left him, if she'd tried. "Let you get some rest."

"I'm getting plenty of rest right here." He paused. "Sofie…"

The nickname that only he called her did it; she spilled the rest of the tears she hadn't had time to shed. Working the case had kept her mind occupied, kept her busy, kept her from thinking about how close they'd come to losing him. Unconventional or not, she loved him so deeply that even imagining her life without him terrified her. She didn't like to admit she needed anyone, heaven knows her mother never had. She secretly liked the 'tough girl' label, among others, that had been put on her over the years, but it didn't make her feel safe, the thought that one bullet could change everything, could destroy her whole world as it had for Bell's widow and thousands of other cop widows over the years.

He couldn't move over to hold her, so he just held on to her hand, not letting go, not saying anything, letting her get it all out. Knowing her, he figured that she had tried to work, tried to stay busy, and hadn't let anything sink in until that moment. It was usually her way of processing things, keep going, ignoring, until she couldn't go on. He couldn't say he did things much differently himself. "I wanna tell you something…"

"Don't, Jim." She knew what was coming. Part of her wanted to finally hear the words, but they always seemed so final in this setting, a part of saying goodbye.

"I love you." The words didn't come easily, not in the way he meant them. Even when he was married, he didn't remember the last time he'd said them to his wife. He knew he'd said them to Annie and he guessed that she'd been the last one he'd felt like this about.

Now that the words were finally out, she gave him a half-smile. "I love you too." She wanted to believe that it was totally him; none of it was the influence of the near-death experience or the medications he was on. Part of her knew it didn't matter. Sometimes she just needed to hear the words.


End file.
